How to...


When 826 Valencia opened San Francisco’s only pirate supply store in 2002, we did not understand how badly pirates want to talk about their time at sea and their experiences with everything ocean- and ship-related. Eventually, we started listening. The result is our How To… series of self-help books. We've compiled all we have learned of the high seas to help both the novice and the experienced sailor become a productive shipmate, cook nautically, and battle humanity’s ancient adversary, the ocean.

Things you will find in How To Begin:

  • Management consequences of beard style.
  • Rumors, falsehoods, white lies, half lies, bald-faced lies, the occasional errant truth, and more!

Things you will find in How To Cook On A Ship:

  • Other uses for citrus.
  • A new hard tack recipe

Things you will find in How To Fight The Sea:

  • A guide to all jerks of the sea, including eight-armed and ten-armed jerks.
  • Everything you need to know about sea cucumbers.

Perfect for:
The over-eager new shipmate that keeps interrupting your breaks.


Purchasing this item supports 826 Valencia’s free writing programs for San Francisco students.

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